All Change!

Yep don't use this one anymore so follow my new running blog on Wordpress at daddyshark.wordpress.com

Ain't I just a BITCH??? lol

Don't look Black in Anger

Hello,

Well, as the octogenarian said to the gynaecologist; It's been a while.

So over the last 6 months I've continued on a search for 'The one'. Who would have thought that I would hear from someone I first met albeit online last year and this time we actually met in the flesh.

All was going well on the pre-emptive 'getting to know you' emails that re-kindled things. And so the day arrived where we were to meet. We went out and ate but something struck me as a little wrong, she was subdued, quiet, different.

I had to ask and she did eventually tell me - It's because I'm white. I make no secret that I do not take my women like I take my coffee - I take my coffee milky and tepid, I take my women black, hot and strong.

Now, she knew from the off that I am who I am, a white guy who likes black girls but I was her first, I was her experiment and by all accounts she can't do it. It's not my fault, can't help having a melanin deficiency, can't help being me.

And yet, I remain her a little like her little secret. We don't go out, our clandestine meetings take place behind closed doors, there's no PDA's if we happen to wander out into the street.

She's even said to me 'Why can't you just be black!' so clearly I am doing something right and a nice person and good company etc etc etc, I'm just simply the wrong shade. A bit like when you get Homebase to mix you your own paint.

As the now late Michael Jackson of whom she was a fan said 'It don't matter if you're black or white'.....clearly in some eyes...it does.

The Dating Game

For ages 12+
For 2 Players (more if you're feeling adventurous)

Yes that's right folks it's time for another gripping round of..........................The Dating Game!!!! (canned applause)

I have this evening returned from meeting a dear friend who is in love - she probably won't admit it yet but chiding 'It's far too soon to be saying things like that' blah blah blah but I know the signs (if memory serves) and shes smitten.

I'm very pleased for her - totally made up, really. Yes I admit I'm a little jealous - she is, to me, delicious and for a little while been in a similar boat (I rowed she steered - chivalry and all that, what?)

So lets meet tonights lucky contestant..............me

Will it be batchelorette number 1, the tall(er than me) manager of the section next to mine (so no work 'conflict of interests') whose sweet charming and has caught me numerous times gazing at her.

Will it batcheorette number 2 an operator in the section next to me who I suspect think's I'm a bit wierd despite the fact shes the one that was found curled up asleep in the break out area one time - upside dead stamp of Rihanna (ish)

Or how about batchelorette numberr 3? another operator in the section next to me who regularly smiles at me, is cute as a button but also possibly 2/3 my own age.

The choice is yours!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it bollocks.

Yes of course it is nice to admire the fairer sex - it's a whole different park never mind ball game ensnaring one.

And therein lies the problem, I have no problem meeting talking to and entertaining the opposite sex, so why then am I still single?

A friend of mine is in a similar predicament and hearing of my recent posting on a well known website looking for my princess he convinces me to write him an ad in a similar vein (it wasn't - mine was faaaaaaar better - one sells oneself better don't you find?)

Whilst I am in receipt of several responses and emailing the wheat from the chaff he has a handful of replies. He meets one and I go along albeit at a safe distance as his 'wing man'

After 5 minutes and £10.50 for a brandy and coke in a very swanky west end bar I realise as I savour every last damn drop of this drink that I am surplus to requirements and leave.

5 hours later and my phone rings - it's him and he's dancing like a leprechaun as she's apparently lovely. Git.

So here we go again as all my leads have gone cold and he's quite happy. Hmmph.

I am now in 2 minds as to re-sell myself or just not bother. The saying goes that when you don't look you find but when you look you can't see the wood for the trees. I did oddly have a minor success with lots of smiles and winks exchanged with an absolute HONEY on the Piccadilly line one Saturday afternoon and despite all my efforts to find her, she remains elusive. Bugger.

As a postscript to the above my mate has seen the 'lovely girl' twice and on both occasions he took her out splurged over £100 on the night and she didn't even offer to buy a single round - she was subsequently 'binned'.

So here I sit knowing full well that I will re-post my add, there's plenty more fish in the sea and maybe just maybe I'll hook one for the keep net, but then as they said on Jaws - we're gonna need a bigger boat. I m told that I am 'a catch' but being the fisherman is different. It's a big sea out there and who knows where she's hiding.

One day my princess will come.......I just hope I'm on top of her when she does.

But who was that caped crusader?

Or thats what people would say had I been wearing a cape.

Yes, I'm sorry I'm back in London and obviously very busy with it.

London's changed - a lot. The London I left (see my very first post - it's not too far down I promise) was always summer and warm and pleasant and exciting. The London I'm back to is grimey, miserable and nervous.

It's a sad 'fact of life' that kids these days are being shot/stabbed/beaten left, right and centre. No area these days can be looked on as a safe one and the numbers of kids falling is ever growing.

So you may be surprised - though not half as surprised as I was today when I boarded my Tube on my way home. Some 'yoofs' had decided to have a water fight. I got wet. I saw red.

Next thing I know I'm standing up towering over one of the 'yoofs' forcefully asking what he thought he was playing at. Oddly he didn't seem to hear me so I reiterated my point. He seemed more interested in looking away so I reached into my pocket, pulled out my TfL staff pass rammed it under his nose and asked to see the 'yoofs' Oyster card so that I could confiscate it for the 'yoof' breaching the behavior clause - Ha! no more free travel for you sonny! Much to my annoyance he had a paper ticket which I inspected carefully. I handed it back and quite amazingly they all decided that this was their stop. It blatantly wasn't as I knew know from the ticket where they were going.

I felt good. I felt powerful. I was smiled at by a woman who had obviously been suffering these little pricks since Wimbledon.

But as the title of this post says - Who was that? It really oughtn't have been me. That's not who I am; I'm the timid one that doesn't make eye contact. Not anymore methinks.

Maybe I've found my fire again. In this respect at least.

In other news the civil (relationship) war is over and MCM and I have drawn up peace agreements and while there may still be the occasional resistance uprising, calm is very quickly restored.

MLA continues to grow and astound - she is the cause and solution to most of my problems. The cause as I still hate not being the utopian family unit I wanted for her but solution as she has power more than any medicine. No matter how I'm feeling, even if its euphoric, MLA can make me feel even better.

And now back to my age old whinge.

It's crap being single. I've fished on certain websites and have met and had a handful of dates with a handful of girls. Some were plain, some were dull, some were just plain dull. I am in no doubt that my confidence has grown and I have no problem meeting new people, but I am always left wanting. Wanting for more conversation, wanting for more attention, wanting for more wanting. Some of them I met and there was more spark in a box of damp matches, and I was wondering if I could get away with saying I'd urgently been called back into work - but who needs an urgent reply to a complaint about TfL at 9 pm??

So for now I continue to tread my path alone. Valentines was spent with a certain person and we went to see Zorro. I emplore you to see it - it's wonderful. It was a wonderful night. I had bought the tickets and insisted we were to look good. I went for a haircut and cut-throat shave and came back to slip into my best pin-stripes. Certain person was slinky in satin and we stepped out to the West End. I had the best night in a long time. Someetimes I wonder, what if certain person really is 'a certain person'? God knows how she put up with me at times but always ready with a hug and a kind word - don't get me wrong she can be ready with an unkind word just as quickly but thankfully these aren't as frequent.

I dunno, time will tell I guess - but then maybe it's just too late. Maybe I'm feeling needy. Spring approaches so I will invariably feel the need to make nest at some point. I'm just fed up being/accommodating the cuckoo.

You must excuse me now - I have to restock my utility belt and whip the batmobile down to the Esso garage.

All change please...

Forgive me dear cyberspace (for I have no idea how many I impact with this) for my disappearance for so long - I have been literally inundated with NO e-mails begging for my return.

A lot has changed - for a start I jacked in the bank and am now working for TfL which for those of you outside the Metropolis (including me until 4 days before I started the job) stands for Transport for London. Yes; you complain - I answer, It's that simple.

Things between MCM and I have mellowed and we are good friends and united as parents to MLA who continues to shine like the brightest star in the cosmos. She really is the best thing I ever did.

Now then, during my absence I did start seeing someone - shes very sweet and lovely and we had a nice time.....but something didn't quite 'click' so invariably we split - or did we? You see we still and did speak everyday on the phone. We did continue to (ahem) keep each other warm some nights (blushes knowingly) but to all intents and purposes we were NOT together. Now this seemed OK as I've always wanted a willingness for the female party to at some point bear a child with me. This person categorically doesn't want to. Not just with me - but with anyone. So brick wall #1, next we had a HUGE row over the creationism debate Vs evolution, turns out she found God (he was down the back of the radiator with the sock you've always wondered where it went to was) and personally I'm happy to leave him where he is until that plane I'm on suddenly stops being that plane I'm on if you catch my drift.

However, and it's quite a big 'however.' She's putting me up following my whirlwind move to London - bless her.

There's a lot more I feel I need to let you know but right now I'm not really in the right frame of mind so I thought I'd just check-in, bring you albeit a little hap-hazardly up to speed and let you know that I'm not dead.

I will be scribbling soon though as there's sooooooooooooooo much I need to get off my chest and shrinks are far more expensive than blogging......

Knight to Queens Rook 3

What a tumultuous weekend.

This weekend I spent in the capital trying to see my daughter but because MCM decided that I need to fill in a form in triplicate and submit it for consideration a decade before I can actually arrange anything. This weekend was a bit of a lastminute.com affair with me only knowing 100% that I was going to make the trip on Thursday. I tried to let her know and got nothing but an answer machine, as I did on Friday....and Saturday. A red mist descends. I'm bloody furious as clearly she's done this out of sheer bloody mindedness as she KNOWS that I am coming and she certainly knows how difficult it is for me to just come up. Things take planning and more importantly - money.

The funding sourced it was all systems go, and yet, it was all stop. I stand in the street clenching and un-clenching my fists. I go to see her sister and get the kind of reception Hitler would get in Golders Green. OK, so that's how things are, I see. Well, never mind, you've clearly forgotten all the things I've done for you and the times I've bailed you out when you were stuck, but fine that's how it is. I retire to South-West burbs and meet up with my sister. I tell the story and she tells me a story and after toying with idea of Tesco's we both agree to say sod it and go to the pub - it is 4 pm.

My sister has certain things she is wrestling with and tells me about them and I offer what advice I can. We eat and drink and drink some more and then it would be rude to sit in a pub and not drink so we decide to have another drink. It's funny how 11 o'clock creeps up on you isn't it??

We return to her house after I have thought that its a REALLY good idea to text the heavenly body and tell her I love her. It's weird but as merry as I was I still felt totally compus mentus. I had to tell her and I'm glad I did but wasn't at all surprised I didn't receive an equally emotive message back.

I sleep a fitful and cold sleep woken at 5 am by the sun streaming in through the windows. I manage to return to a doze until about 7 am when my sisters housemate decided to go about the house in as much the same way as a bull elephant goes about evading capture. I lie there and watch 30 year old programmes on UK Gold as the clock ticks round to 9 am - I dress and make coffee feeling totally fine - my sister appears looking pail weary and wrecked and she quickly confirms this is the case. Bless her.

The day continues with me feeling totally lose endish and irritable and my sister either on the phone or wrestling with the reason that shes on the phone. My blood brother calls and we arrange a meet and I jump in the Cat and circle round to sexual to meet him I arrive half hour early and after doing some sums realise I can treat MLA to some new trainers which I source and buy - little white Nike classics with a pink tick - perfect.

I meet my bruv and we wander round the town and grab a burger and catch up and form plans and discuss forthcoming events. Whilst enjoying a coke with no ice but just lemon at what is now 3 pm on Sunday - I manage to locate and speak to MCM. I frostily inform her to meet me in an hour and we do. We have an exchange and after taking soundings as I drove round the north circular It is widely agreed on not to pursue my instincts and go off like a rocket but to remain calm but put my point across which with remarkable resolve I did.

MLA and I jump in the Cat and we purr off - but where? Where exactly is there to go? If it was 10 am we could have gone as daddy had planned to Kew Gardens and fed the ducks and watched the fish and played in the new kids area. There's no way on gods earth that's going to happen at this time of day. We go to the local park and we walk and chase birds and eat jaffa cakes and call Nana, Grandad and Auntie. I watch as her little face lights up as she hears their voices. It's heartbreaking but reassuring. After a while we find the play area and MLA enjoys the swings and the slide and the bouncers and plays with other kids, everyone of them under the watchful eye tantamount to inmates being watched by screws and I am no different.

2 hours have passed and MLA seems a little tired and bored with playing and I panic wondering what to do next but then as a drop of rain falls I decide that its time to return to the car. MCM calls and asks to pick up milk which I agree to and we return to the car and back to MCM's house. Her new beau now scarce and no longer am I subjected to the open displays of affection that I was treated to as they arrived. This did niggle me a little as I know that I was never used a little in that way. MCM was and is always very conscious of who and what is around and they impression that is given so this display was, I think mainly for my benefit which also angered me a little with MLA seeing me and at the same time MCM kissing another man. I addressed this with MCM later by phone and was told 'get used to it' and 'don't be so ridiculous - You never met my ex so there was never the opportunity but it would have been exactly the same' as Les Dennis was famous for saying - 'if it's up there I'll give you the money myself..........Eeeeeee-Urrrgggggh!' I once again advise MCM that all I want is harmony as none of need the grief. She'll consider it.

The next bit is a bit of a blur. This telephonic conversation took place you see on the M25 as I left MCM's to return for a pit-stop to my sisters before doing as the Pet Shop Boys did and Go West (life is peaceful there...etc etc etc) However it got round to it, the following conversation came up;

'Has MLA got her pooh bear?'

(quite matter of factly) 'No but you can get next time you're round there'

Eh? Why do you say that?

(sounding tired) 'Look it's none of my business who you are friends with; I'm not interested and I don't care so if you and (a certain person) are friends then its none of my business what you do or get up to, or anything - you and (a certain person) are your own people' my response was typically me;

'What?'

'Exactly what I said, I'm not overly happy about it and I've told you and (a certain person) about it but I cannot stop you being friends so do what you like, like I said its not my business.'

So now I don't know what to do. It's the statement I've been waiting for for weeks and months. Acceptance. But I just don't know what to do now. I know what I want to do. Answers on a post card please - first one out of the hat wins a bag of sweets or something.

So now I sit here with a cigar saying goodbye to an old friend - smoking. As of tomorrow I am a non-smoker and am going out a cloud of style. Any one wanna buy a lighter - one careful owner you know........

Who said the age of chivalry is dead? I feel fine!

Today has been a most chivalrous one.

This morning I was in work (as usual) early so got everyone a drink while they were booting up their PC's which was nicely received. This was then followed by an e-mail from a branch manager or as they are more locally know - a demi god asking for my help on something - which I provided and within 5 minutes had a response from them thanking me profusely for what I had done and also sent an e-mail to my supervisor and my manager telling them how wonderful and helpful I was - cue Jimmy Carter 'colgate' smile.

Later this morning I was walking along with Rachel and I got to the door first and she waited for me to go through and we both stood there for a few seconds which felt like an hour in total stalemate until I said 'Come on Rach - ladies first!!' 'Why thank you' she beamed. 'Who said the age of chivalry is dead eh?' I said 'Shivery? Are you cold in those shorts??' No dear, CHIVALRY erm.... you know... er.... gentlemanly' 'Why didn't you just say gentlemanly?' 'Cos it's chivalry!!!' I said and grinned.

The rest of the day passed relatively uneventfully other than my NVQ assessor telling me how wonderful I am and will fly through my assessment.

But then comes the piece de resistance of my chivalrous acts today. Whilst driving home I was sitting in traffic on the dual carriageway and happened to glance onto the other carriageway where a girl in her mid twenties stood on the pavement next to a dead Corsa hazards slowly blinking and her frantically running her hands through her hair and punching numbers into her phone. The traffic moving in to town is, in minutes as thick as the traffic heading out of it caught behind her stricken car. My light change and I drive down the road glancing back and seeing her standing there still quite crest fallen and getting irate looks from motorists as they circumnavigate her car in the first lane. I get 200 yards down the road and swing the Cat into the next left yank round the wheel and am now going in the opposite direction I eventually find a place to park and lock up the Cat and stroll to where shes been standing for a good 15 minutes since I first saw her and in that time no-one has stopped or offered help. shes chewing on a nail and still clutching her phone and running her hand through her hair, shes shaking a little.

'Er are you stuck?' I say and smile she turns and her tense eyes immediately soften on seeing that someone has actually bothered to ask.
'It just died on me and I can't push it out of the way cos I'm 4 months pregnant! my boyfriends got his mobile off and my parents are still at work!' She's clearly a bit shaken and at her wits end and clearly the last thing she needs right now.
'I've got a powerpack in my car - may be able to get it going enough to move it?'
'Oh that would be wonderful - is your car far??' she asks is if questioning if this was really happening
'No just there, give me a minute'
I return with the powerpack and attach the leads to the battery on her little dead car and she jumps in and tries it but the poor little car just will not start.
'Jump in' I said 'You can't leave it where it is, they drive like nuts on this road and it's a sitting duck where it is.' So in the middle of the busiest road in town with trucks, buses and cars screaming inches past me I start to push the car. She starts by trying to help push but I insist she gets in and steers while I push. I shove the car to safety and she is thanking me profusely she's still thanking me when her boyfriend pulls up and he starts thanking me profusely as well.

I return to the Cat and we purr away with waves exchanged. As I drive away I reflect on what happened. Not one person in this metropolis stopped to help apart from me yet while I pushed Navy cadets walked passed and a police patrol car also passed as did various pedestrians. Not one person helped. Has the milk of human kindness really turned so sour?

I stopped not because as I'm sure some would suggest she was a twenty something blond, but because I've been in that situation. I've stood at the side of the road and watched and cursed the car which is essentially my life line, die. I've been the one that has been beeped and cursed through windows for adding another 2 minutes to someone else's journey. It's a lonely and scary feeling and I don't like feeling like that and I don't like to know others are feeling like that when I could have helped.

I once turned the car round as I noticed a man lying face down in the middle of a car park, I'm a first aider and for all I know he could have had a heart attack but no body seemed bothered - it turns out he was in fact blind drunk and thought that it was a good place to sleep but he thanked me for showing concern. I've stopped to see if can help at road accidents, I've called ambulances and given first aid to an old man who collapsed at a bus stop. I could not drive by and ignore someones distress call, yet sadly it appears these days more people do.

My grandfather didn't smoke but always carried a lighter in case someone asked him for a light in the street. My father who is also a first aider administered CPR to a dear family friend and stayed with him talking to him until the ambulance came following a heart attack - he was devastated to learn that as well as he seemed as he was taken into the ambulance he had another massive heart attack en route to the hospital and died.

We hear these days sadly of acts of compassion and heroism when an attack is made on a capital such as 9/11 and 7/7 yet some people face personal tragedies every day so I leave you with this thought if it was you wouldn't you want someone to help?